Fishing With a Stranger

There is nothing like being on the water.  Steve’s friends had left us a stocked refrigerator.  I made tea for Mom and got the boys some cereal.  The boys came out and wanted to watch television.  I took my walk and returned to them getting dressed.  My mom sent them into the bedroom to get dressed and washed up for the day. 

Jack was very antsy about getting outside.  I told him I needed him to wait for me.  We all went outside together.  There were two steps down to the grassy area that led to the sea wall and dock.  The dock went out quite far.  Michael wanted to go down next to the water, so I lifted him down to the rocky shore and he began throwing rocks into the water.  There is something so therapeutic about tossing rocks in the water.  I tried to show him how to skip a flat stone.  He loved trying.

My mom came out and sat in an Adirondack chair that was facing the water.  She wore her grieving hat and had her book.  It was really relaxing here.  Jack told me that he wished he had remembered his fishing pole.  I agreed that it would have been nice to have.  Jack came down and joined us on the shore, skipping stones on the water.

We heard a car pulled up in the drive.  I helped the boys up and we went to take a look.  It was Mary and Bill, the owners.  I went up and introduced myself and thanked them for their kindness.  They both came out to the area by the water where we had been.  I introduced my mom and the boys.

Jack walked out on the dock and Bill walked out on the dock after him.  He asked Jack if he wanted to fish.  Jack was thrilled.  He walked with Bill out to the shed and got set up.  In the meantime, we, ladies, went inside to make lunch with Michael who found his Game Boy and started playing.

Mary, Mom and I sat at the table by the huge picture window in the kitchen.  We sat and chatted about how they knew Steve.  I thanked Mary again for her generosity.  Mary has the type of personality where you feel as though you’ve met her before. My mom chatted with Mary and found out she was from New Jersey too. Mary had been a nun who left the convent.  Their children were all grown and off making their ways in the world. 

I went over near Michael and sat down.  I was feeling overwhelmed again.  I looked out the window and saw Jack on the dock with Bill.  They were standing side by side.  At any other time it would have been an endearing view, but it wasn’t to me today.  I was hit with the sadness of watching my son fishing with the wrong man, a kind and generous man, but he wasn’t my son’s father.  I just let the tears run down my face.  It should have been Rick and not this stranger that stood beside my son. I missed Rick and I ached for the lifetime that my boys would miss out on with their dad.

Michael looked up from his game and saw me crying. "Oh Mom, what's wrong? Don't cry. Oh, that's right, Daddy died." he said and leaned into me on the couch.  I would be crying a good long time.