Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Surviving the Year

There really was something significant about reaching the finish line of the first year.  Everything was the same, still widowed with two children, still a teacher, still a little stressed in trying to adjust.  I read a post last week about another widow; in her blog she asked, why is it that everyone focuses on the first year.  I think the answer is because the emotions and grief are so intense every day of the first year.  For me, the subsequent days seem to pale by comparison. I would never be over loss, but I did find a place to put the pain that wasn't as stinging with time.

I had not put in for being alone.  A friend later told me that his motto in life is, "If it's meant to be, it's up to me."  I found that to be an empowering statement.  I had a choice to be overwhelmed with my new life or to choose to make my happiness given new circumstances.  There are silver linings. I am a strong woman; I know that, but didn't have any idea just how strong, until faced with tremendous obstacles.

When my son was dropped suddenly by a girlfriend a few years later, I was so pained to see him suffer.  As I tried to comfort him I said, "This is small potatoes, Jack.  We have been through so much.  We lost Daddy and never expected to be the same. You are strong; this is a bump in the road.  I know that it hurt,s but you have survived so much more. This is her loss; you are going to be fine."

On the day Rick died, I couldn't see my world or future without him.  Time was my friend as I climbed the mountain of the first year; it was hard to see where I was going.  All that seemed to lie ahead was more difficulty. However, reaching the summit gave me a vista of possibilities.  It wouldn't be easy and there were still many pitfalls ahead, but I had made progress.


  1. Hi Honey,
    I am copying your whole story for another Grammy who is staying with her son because he just buried his darling wife yesterday. Same story different families. High school sweethearts, cancer, two little boys 10 and 8 and so on. My heart is still crying. It is so hard to understand the reasons why.
    Grammy T.

  2. Grammy T,
    I'm so sorry to hear of her loss. It is such a difficult time. I will keep them tight in prayer.
    All the best,