Escape

I could have used some serious help with what to do with myself at this point in my life.  There were my boys, school, family and lots of time to stare at four walls.  In order to survive as a single mother of two, I decided that I needed to have one me-night a week or I was probably going to go out of mind. 

The problem with being the single mother of two was the fact that I didn’t know any once else who was available to hang out and so I needed to learn to be comfortable with me.  This was actually a training of sorts.  I booked my nephew each and every Tuesday night for babysitting.  The boys were thrilled and I got to be concentrate on me.

I had never been to movie by myself.  Going to the movies had always been a thing to do with someone.  It wasn’t hard to actually go by myself; it was dealing with the pathetic feeling of being alone, widowed.  Once over the hump, I began to enjoy chick flicks galore.

The mall was a place to go but there was a limit to the endless walking and window shopping that I could do.  One night I decided on getting a make-over, a first for me.  I felt self-conscious but hung in there and was pleased with the outcome.

We never had the luxury of being able to pamper ourselves because we always thought something else was more important.  It was hard to focus on me but this survival instinct kicked in and made me pamper me.  If all I did was work and take care of the boys and stare at four walls, there wouldn’t be any me left.

I decided if I had to be alone, I was going to make the best of it.  I wanted to do things that I would never have had the opportunity to do if I was still married to Rick.  My first indulgence was to buy a slew of movies that I had always wanted but never bought; this started my chick flick library.  I bought Sleepless in Seattle, French Kiss, Crossing Delancy, You’ve Got Mail, Moonstruck, and Return to Me.  I enjoyed them over and over again

Luxurious linens were also on my list of indulgences.  If I had to sleep without a husband, I needed to be comfortable and cozy.  I bought a feather bed and new comforter set.  It was toasty as could be.  I felt surrounded by softness and warmth.

As October crept by, I began worrying about the holidays.  I just need to get through the first year and it will feel a little better.  I kept repeating to myself.  Thanksgiving meant dinner with the Roszels; we always stayed down here for the holiday.  I was dreading Christmas but decided that if I didn’t stay at home, it meant that I’d face being without Rick the next year. 

Staying meant facing our grief which I felt was the wise thing to do.  You can run but you can’t hide from it. I went to a travel agent and booked a flight to Disney World.  We had plans to spend Christmas at our home, go to Grammy’s for dinner and then go straight to the airport from there.  It sounded like a plan.