Life is Difficult

When Rick and I were dating, I happened to read, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.  “Life is difficult.” This is first sentence in the book.  It is a relief to know that things are going to be tough.  I didn’t expect everything to be hunky dory.  I was expecting the good with the bad.  We spoke before we got married.  We knew being married was a decision of the head.  We knew that we wouldn’t always feel the head over heels feeling.  Making the decision of the head would keep us together even when we weren’t feeling “the love”.

Rick and I were happily married.  We had the normal tug of war waged about silly things but nothing ever serious.  We always fought fairly.   One of the things that we kept sacred was the fact that the other was cherished more than anything else in the world.  In the middle of fights, in the midst of children, in the issues of family, the other person was more important.

When we did battle, I always remember thinking that I could never take back words that came from my lips.  We didn’t sling the past at each other; we didn’t take advantage of the other's weaknesses.  We also had and kept an intimacy of those sacred things between us.  The real intimacy of our marriage was in keeping us to us.  We trusted each other.  

If we had a list of tenets it would have included:

• Always fight fairly
• Leave the past in the past
• Never say anything that you can’t take back
• Keep in mind you are fighting the one that you cherish the most in the world
• Pick your battles
• Don’t take pot shots at your love’s weaknesses
• Sometimes it’s better to go to sleep on your anger; you may wake up in a better mood and a new perspective
• Don’t run away; stay and face the music
• Sometimes you really do have to say sorry

When Rick was dying, we were acutely aware of how people overlooked their gifts.  Many people around us didn’t seem to appreciate the fact that they had life before them.  Rick would sometimes say, “They have no idea what they are throwing away.”  Listening to others complain about a spouse was difficult for him.  It seemed unfair that we had a happy marriage and we were on the brink of losing each other.

We were fortunate to have the relationship that we did as many people never have that in their entire lifetimes.  We were rich.